The Skyline Newspaper

Cartoon: Created and Designed by Jonathan Smith, Sul Ross Senior

Columns Not Published, and Now You'll Understand Why

Steve Lang
News and Publications

Either way, you'll get your dog back." -- Slogan of an anonymous veterinary clinic and taxidermy shop

Since the responsibilities of my job include not only introducing, but speaking for, four-legged creatures no longer functioning above room temperature, it's not surprising that I write about them.

It's also not surprising that sometimes a great notion fails basic publishing tests...

...until now.

In the spring of 2004, time constraints prevented the following introduction of the legendary Clay Henry, the first Mayor of Lajitas, aka the old beer-drinking goat.

The introduction and subsequent welcome did not occur during a Museum of the Big Bend fund-raiser in Fort Worth's Stockyards District. Since the event raised funds in the six figures without the greeting, the decision to eliminate this Big Bend welcome was probably a judicious one.

Yet, in the interests of those new to this region, or those who don't get around much, I offer Clay Henry's introduction and greeting for the sake of posterity. No photo is immediately available, but imagine if you will, a stuffed goat. (After all, if Roy Rogers could stuff his horse Trigger and stand him in a museum, just about anything is imaginable.)

It gives me great pleasure to introduce the Honorable Clay Henry, Distinguished Professor Emeritus of the Big Bend University's School of Dubious Knowledge, Animal Husbandry and Wifery. Due to an unfortunate collision with a Peterbilt hauling sucker rods, tenure was granted posthumously.

Clay Henry, still the Mayor of Lajitas, has also seen his political and commercial appeal grow in the past months. He has agreed to join Ralph Nader on the Green Party Presidential ticket, uniting his PETA followers with Ralph in an effort to best recognize the otherwise disenfranchised. Among his campaign stances: "Pro-choice: it's family planning, not a cut of meat."

A former greeter at Lyle's Heavy Petting Zoo -- the little animal farm behind the tall fence -- Clay Henry has been tabbed to be the 2005 Viagra spokesman for West Texas, with the slogan, "I only look dead."

Meanwhile, Hizzoner has accepted another contract from Pit Stop Wineries to endorse the official vintage of the pro racing circuit: NASCARdonnay.

With his typical modesty, Clay Henry has requested assistance in delivering his official greeting.

I bring greetings from the Deep End of the Big Bend, a place some folks call heaven and others call the edge of the world, or even several miles beyond. As Mayor of Lajitas, I note that my duties are as limited as my mobility, but like the sign says above the trading post: "If you don't believe the dead can come back to life, you ought to be here at quitting time."

Politically, as has been mentioned, I direct the P.E.T.A. branch of the Green Party.

You call it cabrito, we call it cannibalism, and according to an insider, we don't taste like chicken or rattlesnake. Due to a well-publicized spat between Dolly and me, we no longer use the theme song, "Send in the Clones."

I realize that life moves a little quicker in the Metroplex, and the world you live in runs at "Fast Forward" compared to the pace down south. Actually, I guess somebody punched the pause button on life's VCR as far as I'm concerned, and I wouldn't even object if somebody mistakenly hit "Rewind" instead of "Play," since moving backwards is preferable to not moving at all.

Incidentally, I'm glad to be back in Forth Worth. Some of my best dates were those I picked up behind the back fence of the Stockyards.

Thank you for your interest in and support of the Museum of the Big Bend. Your generosity makes it possible for the Museum folks to develop interesting displays of historical importance in their soon-to-be-renovated and relocated facilities. That means I can stay in Lajitas or follow the campaign trail and will no longer be an option for a coat rack.

Enjoy your meal: I'm already stuffed, thanks to a taxidermist who showed up in the animal emergency room before his partner the veterinarian arrived. They've been very successful in business, by the way, and they go by the motto, "Either way, you'll get your pet back."

Thanks again for this opportunity to watch life in the fast lane. You'll notice I don't blink: I don't want to miss a thing.

Steve Lang once considered acting, but could not play dead, only the fool.

Apathy in Action

By David Johnson
Skyline Contributor

By now, you've probably seen the video of the Florida University student being brutalized by police at the John Kerry speech ("Don't tase me, bro, don't tase me!").

It's gotten massive amounts of youtube views, mainstream press coverage, and has even been a topic of discussion at our very own Constitution Day festivities (just after "pin the tail on the establishment clause").

As such, all the freedom of speech and civil rights issues have already been beaten like a dead horse resisting arrest and aren't worth discussing here.

Several commentators, most notably "The Colbert Report," made the point that what's actually important about that video isn't what happens, but what doesn't.

In an audience practically brimming with young, college radicals, not a single person did a thing but watch while Andrew Meyer was getting smacked around.

No one jumped up, no one protested. No one did anything but look slightly uncomfortable and maybe snicker at the moron getting tased by the cops.

Whether the cops were justified is a moot issue. I'm willing to bet at least half of the people in an audience to hear Kerry talk disagreed with how the cops handled it by the time they got home and heard it on the news. In the moment, though, they did nothing.

It had to get turned into a big deal by the old guard, the long-since-graduated college radicals who now have important jobs in news stations and such.

Baby Boomers took much greater offense than current college students. They see in the altercation all things awful about our country and the direction it's going.

Generation X probably disapproves, but cynically feels nothing can be done about it. Our generation laughs and just doesn't care. That's the normal reaction.

We are a generation that has been well-normalized, indeed, perhaps more so than any generation prior.

Ritalin was prescribed to cure the brain disease of defiance and a lack of interest in schoolwork in children, Prozac to cure feelings of depression. Drugs numbed our potential revolutionaries, and prisons caught up those who escaped reputable institutions.

Philosophically, it's not much better. The Baby Boomers tore down all the old foundations as idealists do.

Neither they nor their cynical successors built anything to replace it.

We were told to accept everything, so long as it's not hypocritical.

Maybe we decided not to stand for anything to avoid hypocrisy. You can't be a hypocrite if you don't care. But we don't feel like caring, certainly not about this, but not about much else, either.

Baby boomers would have rioted when that Florida student was dragged away.

Generation X would have at least protested. Generation Rx sat there while it happened and sits now writing about it.

Not that this is in any way a call to action. We all know better than that.

"Don't Tase Me, Bro!": Media Complicity and False Martyrdom

By Adam Dreyfus
Skyline Contributor

On September 18, 2007, America was outraged by the video footage of Andrew Meyer being tased and manhandled by several police officers.

After Meyer went on a deriding tirade against John Kerry, his microphone was cut and police officers moved to escort him out of the building. This could have all ended quietly, but unfortunately, the officers met resistance.

The media is calling this incident police brutality and is questioning whether excessive force was used. To really see the truth between the lines in this incident, one has to look at both sides, one being the actual incident and the other being the consequences.

To begin, Meyer questioned Kerry in a loud and condescending manner, not stopping to listen for an answer.

Being loud does not make you right, and such disrespectful behavior disgraces the dignity of rational argument.

Not long after he began ranting Meyer was interrupted by officers but given more time to speak after waving them away and claiming he was entitled to state his argument. When his questioning came around to the secretive Yale "Skull and Bones Society," his microphone was cut and two officers took him by each arm and began to calmly walk him towards the exit. When Meyer started violently struggling and yelling, "Get off me!," several more officers moved to subdue him.

He cried out for help saying, "I didn't do anything."

The interesting thing about this is that at the same time he's thrusting the very book from which he drew his argument into the air and waving it around.

Obviously, he was crying for more than help and was really saying, "Look at me, listen to me." By the time they had him down on the ground the officer clearly warns him that if he does not comply he will be tased and Meyer responds "No, I'm walking out."

Sure enough, after 40 seconds of noncompliance, Meyer was tased with two jolts totaling about three seconds, which can clearly be heard in the video.

If the taser was properly applied and he was given a handsome jolt of volts, his body would have seized up and trying to scream would be like choking.

But he managed to squeal long and loud enough for all to hear as he pleaded "Don't tase me, bro."

The police, if given reason, will inevitably take you where they choose regardless of whether they are right or wrong, and if you don't want to get your shirt dirty your best chance is compliance.

Meyer's choice in action is analogous to leaping into a lion cage wrapped in a blood-soaked zebra carcass crying out, "Don't eat me!"

Part of the importance of this incident is in understanding who directly benefited from it. Andrew Meyer is known for his practical jokes. He is a class clown who sucks up attention.

Thanks to this incident, Meyer is seen and heard by more eyes and ears than he likely ever imagined. Thanks to his status as a "victim" of police brutality, he now has more of a chance than ever for his arguments against Kerry to be heard and his credibility grows with his supporters' sympathy.

Meyer's personal web site, theandrewmeyer.com, received over two hundred thousand hits only two days after the incident.

One might wonder what is on this web site -- Meyer's raving declarations of truth? Actually, quite the opposite; Meyer's site is selling what he calls a "pimp lamp" for $89.

He does state on the site that he plans to sell more merchandise as well as "don't tase me bro" t-shirts.

Meyer is selling out his sympathizers. He's acting like he stands for truth and freedom of speech, but he misguides the media with his façade.

What kind of people claim to stand for something and simultaneously exploit their own supporters? This sounds an awful lot like the very group of people Meyer is attacking: politicians.

The real victim here is not Andrew Meyer. The victim is every American who supports a false martyr who plays on their sympathies and reaps financial benefit from them.

Meyer took full advantage of the situation, made a scene and then played the victim.

So he got tased and might do some jail time, but that's a small price to pay for what he'll get through the publicity.

The press could see this, and a few do, but most are too busy sucking up the ratings and paper sales out of this controversial media goldmine called police brutality.

A Response to "Seeing Iraq Through the Eyes of a Soldier"

By Britt Pauls
Graduate Student, History

I have another saying for you, "violence perpetuates violence."

In my opinion, revenge is not a good reason for being in Iraq, and I think that it presents a stilted perspective of justice. Perhaps if you read The Iliad it would change your attitude toward justice through retribution.

Suggesting that the war in Iraq should be synonymous with freedom smacks of jingoism; you are just wrapping yourself in the flag, a handy fascist tool. Perhaps a good example of this kind of thinking would be the Weimar Republic, which might provide some insight to what happens when we force a democratic institution on a society with no democratic tradition, a bitter pill in the aftermath of a humiliating war. It should come as no surprise that a militarily occupied country would be glad to see their occupation end.

In his e-mail from Iraq, your friend seems to be confusing the invasion of Iraq with the terrorist attack of September 11, 2001. As much as the Bush Administration seems to have desired a connection, the 9/11 Commission reported no compelling evidence to support it.

Yes, I should sleep better for men and women like your friend, who answer the call to duty but not when we use that service to provoke further agitation and violence. I probably will not sleep so well thinking about the social consequences of a war that is breaking the back of our military overseas by fighting a guerilla war with conventional weapons and antiquated Cold War tactics (look at our dismal record against guerilla tactics) and creating trillions of dollars in deficit spending.

Then there is the loss of domestic freedom and the way that the resultant unchecked corporatism will undermine society as we know it. Why is it that we seem to stumble into war every time an opportunity arises for us to address domestic social welfare reform?

Not only does our society seem to confuse the laissez faire treatment of the corporate world with some perverse sense of individual freedom, but the Republican tradition, beginning with the 1952 election of Eisenhower, has consistently undermined the hopes of "We the People" in the broadest definition of the term, by aggrandizing war.

Our role abroad as the policemen of the world has turned us into the bullies of the world, thugs of the American corporate world.

We should abandon the juvenile stance that we are giving in by leaving Iraq and show that we are not afraid, that we have the moral integrity and courage to allow others the dignity they deserve.

Circle Those Wagons

Nurse John Hughes
Guest Columnist

Anyone who has ever watched an old western movie knows the wagons are always circled at dusk. The purpose is to protect the inner camp from an outer hostile environment. Individuals that ventured outside this makeshift fortress did so at their own peril.

Following an attack, treatment options for injured party members were limited and not always effective. Permanent scarring or infirmity were testimony to having suffered such a fate.

Much like this caravan of wagons, people must take caution in a hostile world of infectious disease. Certain pathogens still elude modern medical treatment.

The good news is most infectious agents posing a threat to humans are preventable. Those dreaded vaccinations are just one method of circling the wagons. Another is to avoid exposure to the microscopic bad guys through isolation or judicious use of barrier devices.

Of all infectious diseases, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are the most preventable. Sadly, there are those who dare to venture beyond the outer limit, their judgment often clouded by pure folly, drugs or alcohol.

Always remember the ABCs of STIs. A = avoidance of the problem altogether either by abstinence or involvement in a committed relationship. B = using a prophylactic barrier which offers some but not total protection. C = becoming a casualty by carelessly ignoring the potential risk of STIs. So, partner, circle those wagons. You'll be darned glad you did.