By Mark Metevier, Skyline Humor Writer
War is being waged. COVID is on the rise. And Betty White Recently moved on to the big Miami house in the sky. Could things get any worse? Of course they can, after all, we have the government. Scary, isn’t it?
Well dear reader, this isn’t a horror story so don’t be scared of….GAS PRICES! Sorry, I know those can be scary. These days gas prices can get so high, Snoop Dogg himself is even getting alarmed. Even Tom Brady saw those gas prices and thought “I HAVE to go back to work.” I myself, have seen a few oil tank drivers switch to “How’s my gouging?” bumper stickers. Even the police noticed that the common petrol sniffer has just straight up switched to cocaine as a less expensive alternative.
However, it is our duty as Americans to see the positive side of things. For starters, new work opportunities have opened up. Hang around the west coast long enough and you’ll see people paying hookers to siphon gas from other cars. The high prices also make a great fitness program for the American people. Maybe COVID will get the hint and quit traveling as well.
It is also encouraging to see people coping and finding ways around these prices.. I recall filling my car up and seeing a guy take a blindfold off his girlfriend, saying that he finally made good on his promise by “bringing her somewhere expensive.” I thought he was going to get his ass kicked until he pulls out a gallon of petrol, bends the knee and proposes. She accepted!!! What a time to be alive.
At the end of the day, we can only look to our leaders to pull us out of this crisis. So please, government if you are reading this, bring the prices back down. A lot of us aren’t built for Only Fans.